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It's times like these I need you the most. And I can't ask you to help me.

I know I need help. I know I need it desperately, but I'm too scared to ask for it. I don't know why, it's one of those things I can't understand.

I do understand completely why you're so mad at me and how ridiculous I am. I realize that if you wanted to get out of this, you would've done it a long time ago. It's amazing how you put up with my shit, with all of it.

A long time ago you told me I didn't deserve to be with someone who couldn't give me his all. I wish I was brave and selfless enough to tell you the same. You deserve to be with someone healthy, someone who understands you and doesn't put you down. But I can't. I'm too selfish and I want you to stay with me.

Last time I told you I wouldn't stop you if you wanted to leave. That stands. You know, or at least i hope you know that if you told me you'd be better off without me, I wouldn't stop you. I want you to be happy and I want to be the one to make you happy, but lately I don't know how to. I'm too broken, too tired, too selfish to know how to make you happy.

I just want your help, and I don't know how to ask for it.

Jul. 24th, 2015

i feel like im about to crack

and it's blue...

You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue.
You touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky.
And you decided purple just wasn't for you.

Everything is blue.
His pills, his hands, his jeans.
And now I'm covered in the colors.
Pulled apart at the seams.
And it's blue, and it's blue...

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And I'm just sad. All the time. And I don't know how to stop it.
what the fuck did i did to you, life
The way I'm feeling with something so stupid is my clearest indicator of my state.


do you even care? of course not.

Oct. 22nd, 2012


maybe you just got tired and didn't know how to get rid of me.

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panic ~ Spence
purplejellybeen
get me a paid account, nao.
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